It had been a regular day at school, nothing out of the ordinary, walked from class to class, sat with my friends at lunch and then hung around after school for a bit of chatting. I had practice after school, so I ran home to change and eat something really quickly. My mom walked through the front door as I was heading out and we caught up about our days, planned dinner and then I was out the door. My teammates were already warming up by running a couple laps around the field, I dropped my bag and checked my phone right before I headed out. I had received a text message from my boyfriend asking if he could come over to my place after practice, I replied fast and said yes.
After practice was over, my boyfriend was waiting for me by my bag. He picked it up for me and we headed to my house. My mom was cooking up something yummy; the whole house started to smell like garlic. She gave us a big smile and told us dinner wouldn’t be ready for a while so we could go to my room and hang out. I showered quickly and came back to my room to find my boyfriend naked under my covers. I gave him a smile and locked the door. I put on some music and got under the covers with him. I ripped open a condom and we had sex. After laying on my covers sweaty and trying to catch our breaths, we heard my mom shout “Dinner is ready!” We both looked at each other, smiled and gave each other a kiss. We got dressed quickly and I wrapped the used condom in a tissue and threw it away.
We ate garlic chicken with rice that night, my mom served us both a glass of wine and then the three of us talked about our plans for the next year. We were both seniors and had just applied to colleges. Obviously, that was the only topic that parents had in their minds to make small talk with. After dinner, we helped her clean up and I told her I was going to walk my boyfriend out to the front gate as I always did. She gave me a smile and told me she was going to bed. It was around 8:30 at night and we made our way to the gate hugging, running and kissing. When we got to the gate I held him so tight, I didn’t want to let him go. That’s when I heard him say the three words, eight letters that every girl wishes to hear in their lifetime; I looked up at him and said them back with a huge smile. I hugged and kissed him more and then watched him walk away. I was so in love in that moment, nothing could have ruined my mood.
When I walked inside my house, I saw my mom sitting on the couch staring at the floor. The TV was off, her phone wasn’t near her and she sat in silence. I asked her what she was still doing up since she said she was going to bed, she looked up at me and I saw tears in her eyes. I was so worried I ran to the couch to see what was wrong. I thought something had happened to my dad or my grandparents, all these people running through my brain. My mind went blank when she slammed the condom wrapper on the coffee table. I literally felt my heart skip a beat, I swear my blood stopped running through me and I know I turned as red as a tomato. I just stared at it, I didn’t dare make eye contact with my mom, I was afraid to. She was yelling at me but I couldn’t hear anything, I literally became a stone. Every now and then I would hear her say “you’re 17”, “what were you thinking”, and then just white noise would fill in the rest of the sentences. “LOOK AT ME!” I finally heard her yell, there were tears running through her red, angered face. I didn’t even notice when she stood up, I stared at her in fear and shame. She was waiting for me to have a response to the speech she had just performed, but I couldn’t form any words. She looked at me in such disappointment and with a broken heart, it hurt to look at her. I had just broken my mother. A woman I consider to be my best friend, a woman I look up to and respect, and in that moment I know she lost all respect for me. She shut her eyes and walked away from me.
I sat on the couch for two hours without moving, I couldn’t comprehend what had just happened. First, I was filled with love and all the happiness in the world and in two seconds, I felt shattered. I could hear my phone buzzing and buzzing, it was my boyfriend. How could I talk to him? What would I say to him?
I don’t know when I fell asleep but I was woken up by the sound of the front door closing. It was my father. He looked surprised and asked why I was sleeping on the couch. I made up some excuse and made some coffee. He asked me to go get my mother because he wanted to see her. I had almost forgotten that what had happened. Last night wasn’t a dream. I tried to get out of going to get her but he insisted. It was 11:30 in the morning, my mom never really slept in that late, so I knew she wasn’t coming out because she didn’t want to see me.
I knocked on her door and she told me to come in. I walked in without looking at her and told her dad wanted to see her and tried to run away. She called for me and asked me to sit. She apologized for her behavior and began to cry, she was sad that I wasn’t a little innocent girl anymore, that I was becoming a woman faster than she wanted me to and she felt distant from me. I ended up crying and hugging her. I still couldn’t form any words for her, except that I loved her and that I was sorry.
We talked it out and moved past it, but she was never okay with me locking the door ever again.