Dreaming of Him

On an afternoon in 8th grade, I sat outside my school steps with some friends and we watched the local high school kids walking down the street towards the bus stop. One couple caught my eye. He was so handsome – blonde hair and a big smile. I noticed the boy kept kissing the top of his girlfriend’s head and it looked perfect.

In my freshman year of high school, I joined a school trip to Baja Mexico where we built an orphanage and served a local community. The same boy was on the trip. I found out his name was David. Somehow we talked and even started to become friends.

By my sophomore year, David and I were friends and I was head over heals for him, this beautiful senior boy, who was also now single. He invited to me go to vespers with him at our friend Andrew’s house. Of course, I said yes. I was over the moon that he finally really noticed me. I knew this was my chance and I didn’t want to blow it.

When the day came, I spent ample time choosing what clothes to wear, doing my hair, and making every effort to be as pretty as possible. He met me at my door and walked me to the car. My heart was pounding and I was practically floating. As we drove to Andrew’s house I noticed we were taking a detour. He parked the car, hopped out and promised to be back soon. And he was… with another girl. Sarah.

So now the three of us were going to vespers. I could tell she was clearly trying to charm him as well. GAME ON. If she was clever, I was hilarious. For every story she had, I had one better. I desperately wanted him to like me the most.

As the evening went on, our competition increased. Our vespers was in Andrew’s backyard and after an hour or so I decided to go inside and make sure I looked OK. I found the bathroom and fixed my hair, put on some new chapstick and gave myself a little pep talk. Standing as straight as possible, walking confidently with my head up, I walked back outside.

SMACK.

I was in pain and I didn’t know why. As I let myself refocus, I realized I had walked right into the closed glass door, and everyone in the backyard saw it. In my shame and confusion I quickly spun around and RAN back to the bathroom and locked the door. I could hear Sarah laughing hysterically and asking everyone “Did you see that? She just hit the door!” I slid down to the floor and wanted to die. Their pet hedgehog’s cage was in the bathroom. I stared at him and wondered how to run away. I stayed in that bathroom for at least half an hour, until someone came to check on me – to see if my head was ok, and probably my heart too.

I walked back outside and faced everyone. It took every ounce of courage I had, and if there had been a way to avoid it – I would have taken it.

In the car on the way home she still laughed. I was quiet. He was kind and neutral.

They dated for about a month.

Three months later he was my first kiss and first boyfriend. We were together for a year until he went off to college. We are still friends. I never told him the story about seeing him in the 8th grade and dreaming he would be mine.

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