Unfortunate Timing

This year, my boyfriend of two years and I decided to start a long distance relationship while he was at college, after what felt like a hundred different conversations about it. Getting through the first month was tough, but after realizing I was seeing him in only a few weeks, I knew I wanted to make our time together fun and sexy.

To me, this meant going with my close friends to buy lingerie at the sex shop across from Times Square, in Causeway Bay. After forty-five minutes, I finally found a body suit that would extenuate my body and was also, conveniently, crotchless. Easy access, fuck yeah! I bought the bodysuit and wrapped it in other clothes so my mom wouldn’t see it in my purse. He was landing the next day and I could barely sleep thinking about what was going to happen when I saw him.

I woke up on December 12th, and just my luck, I got my period. I sat on the toilet seat and repeated “No fucking way” to myself, probably six times, before I realized I needed to suck it up and shove a tampon up there. There wasn’t anything I could do. I was not going to let this stop my plan. We had had period sex before, and it was only the first day. How bad could my plan of wearing crotchless lingerie while on my period really be? Hint: VERY FUCKING BAD, APPARENTLY.

I picked him up from the airport at around 5pm and was the happiest I had been in a while. We couldn’t take our hands off each other and I knew that night would be great. I was wearing the bodysuit under a hoodie and had jeans on. We got to his house, and after saying my “hello’s” to his mom and dad, who I had not seen in four months, we were finally in his room. I told him I was on my period, which didn’t seem to phase him much (again, period sex was not out of the ordinary for us). We started hooking up and undressed each other. His reaction to me in the bodysuit showed that I had done everything right, and finally he asked if I wanted to have sex.

I took out the tampon in the bathroom and went right back into his bed. We hooked up a bit more and I went down on him. I was on my knees, on his bed, when I felt a light stream of liquid down my leg – but I ignored it, lol! Not a good idea! After about ten minutes I stopped giving him head because I felt a bit nauseous. We turned on the light and there was blood ALL over his sheets. I was not embarrassed to be honest, we both knew what hooking up could look like when I was wearing crotchless lingerie without a tampon. He didn’t care at all and was more worried about how I was feeling. I told him I just needed to lay down for a bit.

We both ended up falling asleep, but I woke up later from really bad stomach pains. I woke him up and told him I wasn’t feeling well. “Nate, I’m going to throw up.” He was barely awake when, about 30 seconds later, I was on his floor, throwing up into his trash can, roughly six times, wearing crotchless lingerie, covered in period blood.

After throwing up, I sat up on his bed feeling a bit better. I guess his mom heard me throwing up and wanted to check if everything was okay, because she knocked on the door. Turns out, we didn’t lock the fucking door. She walked in to see vomit in the trash, blood all over Nate’s sheets, and me, wearing crotchless lingerie covered in period blood. This night TRULY could not have been going worse. She closed the door immediately after seeing I was not wearing clothes and texted Nate saying: “Is she okay? There seems to be a lot going on in your room.” WHAT A FUCKING NIGHTMARE.

I rinsed off in his shower, put a tampon in, and left his house, avoiding his mom at all costs. When I finally got home, I texted him apologizing for such a shitty first night back, and then immediately proceeded to throw away the lingerie. He ended up cleaning the vomit out his trash and putting the sheets in the wash. The next day, when I went to his house, his mom didn’t ask any questions and we all pretended nothing happened, which is exactly what I wanted. In conclusion, definitely don’t feel limitless on your period just because you haven’t seen a guy in months. Definitely don’t wear crotchless lingerie on your period without a tampon. And DEFINITELY put a towel down before having period sex.

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